Leo's Angel Oak Tree

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Bad Girl Blogfest Entry!!

This is a scene from my complete WIP, SOLSTICE, that shows my main character, Grace in a bad girl situation.  I hope it fits the criteria!  Thanks for reading and leave me a comment:

There was light and heat, and the flickering of flame. My eyes blinked furiously, but they were dry as bone. I lifted my head and tried unsuccessfully to bring my hands to my face. I needed to rub my eyes, to activate my tear ducts. It was like I was stuck in a desert, a hot, flaming desert in the middle of night.


My hands were strapped, and the way I was pulling them rubbed gashes into my wrists. The searing pain shot through my skin. This was my dream…it had to be. It was the same noises I remember, the same smells…gasoline and wood. Yet, the twins did not hold me like in the others. I had to wake myself up.

My eyes opened, but my pupils were fully dilated. Everything was a blur. I could make out trees; lots of them surrounding me on all four corners. Torches. Torches lit and blazing. There were shadows all around and the hissing…the hissing would not end. Then, there was applause. Xavier emerged from the shadows, hands clasping together boisterously. I wasn’t dreaming. My head hung limply in surrender.

Xavier grasped my face in his cool hands and lifted it up, pointing it in the direction of a large bonfire across from me. “Open your eyes, Grace. Leomiah has been waiting a long time to see your beautiful eyes for the last time.” My eyes flitted up and tried to focus on what he wanted to show me, and that’s when I saw him.

Leo was kneeling in the dirt, his arms outstretched between two shadow demons I did not recognize. His beautiful angelic face was scarred with bruises and blood. His lips were cut on the top and bottom and both eyes were blackened. They had beaten him to an inch of his life, his pants in rags and his shirt torn off his torso but still hanging onto his waist. He was a bloody pulp and unable to hold himself up. I gasped and a tear rolled out of my eyes clearing the dryness away.

The fury welled up inside me and I lurched forward towards Xavier, my shackles snapping me back mere inches from my target. Xavier simply moved a step back. I roared out a mangled cry. Leo’s head lifted slightly, and he caught a glimpse of me. His hands twitched and the demons gripped them tighter.

Leo’s eyes grew wide as he listened to my thoughts. I didn’t know what to think to put his mind at ease. So, I remained silent, both mentally and orally. Xavier didn’t like that I wasn’t playing along with him. He put his face in mine, his eyes narrowing trying to see if I was awake for his theatrics.

I leaned my head back and thrusted it forward, spitting in his sadistic face. The saliva oozed down his cheek and nose. His hand came up and he backhanded me violently. My head whipped to the opposite side so fiercely I thought it would roll right off my neck. A hand imprint was turning scarlet on my delicate skin. I could hear Leo wrestling with his captors--too weak from the beatings to muster much luck. I leaned my head back to Xavier and smiled beautifully. This angered him. He abruptly turned and walked over to the fire’s edge, grabbing a curved blade, and I recognized it instantly. Leo did, also. It was the seraph blade, cold and deadly.

I must have choked on the billowing smoke because Leo moaned my name and Xavier chuckled. He was amused with himself. Xavier enjoyed his game a little too much.

The hatred I felt for Xavier in that moment was profound. All the things I was planning to say to Leo to get him out of the fight had left me the moment I saw Leo’s battered face and his family tethered and gagged. I wanted Xavier to die. I would kill him myself. He was a repugnant abomination who would not be breathing much longer if I could only get my hands free. I growled at him and managed to get my hands free of my bonds. As Xavier walked closer, I reached into my belt and gripped Leo’s daggar in my hand. Just two more steps and hell could claim this miserable piece of crap!

9 comments:

  1. Wow! First comment if I can bang this out before someone else comes along. Sweet!

    Sounds witchy, and with a name like Solstice, that's what I'd expect. I like witchy, so I slipped easily into the scene.

    A couple of cliches stumbled me, though: dry as bone, and inch of his life. No big deal, but it'd get an editor's pen strike.

    Other than that, I liked her attitude and grisly nature.

    Favorite line: "His beautiful angelic face was scarred with bruises and blood."

    What a contradictory image! Nice!

    - Eric

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  2. Wow! First comment if I can bang this out before someone else comes along. Sweet!

    Sounds witchy, and with a name like Solstice, that's what I'd expect. I like witchy, so I slipped easily into the scene.

    A couple of cliches stumbled me, though: dry as bone, and inch of his life. No big deal, but it'd get an editor's pen strike.

    Other than that, I liked her attitude and grisly nature.

    Favorite line: "His beautiful angelic face was scarred with bruises and blood."

    What a contradictory image! Nice!

    - Eric

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Melissa! Wow, great tension and story line. The nail-biting anticipation! I really hope she gets to beat Xavier to a pulp!

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  4. You had me hooked...and then I hit "managed to get my hands free" and you lost me. :(
    It was too convenient.
    I'd rather it be like she'd been working on the bonds the whole time, so it's a race between freeing herself and Leo getting killed.
    And then you leave out the Bad Girl beat down!
    Gah.
    Kewl story though. I like all the different elements of fire and demons and stuff.
    Thanks for participating!

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  5. Great description here and a great build up in tension. I'd like to see what comes next. :)

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  6. Trust me! There's a bad girl beat down, but it was too long. It was over 1400 words. I didn't think people would keep reading it. Also, i deleted some in between paragraphs to make it shorter. There was a few paragraphs with more dialogue and her getting her hands free. I'll post it later for you.

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  7. How did I miss this one?

    In any case, I'm glad I found it today. I really felt for Leo in this piece. I hope she really did send Xavier to hell!

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  8. Interesting piece! I'm glad that you had more dialogue in here, because I kind of missed having some :) I definitely feel her struggle though.

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