Leo's Angel Oak Tree

Monday, February 7, 2011

DARK & STORMY NIGHT BLOGFEST

As many of you know, I love Blogfest.  They are a great way to meet other writers and get feedback on your work.  I found this one over at Brenda Drake's blog (click here for details), and I knew I had to join in on the party.

It's a FIRST LINES blogfest contest.  Now I love first lines that grab you by the seat of the pants and don't let go.  One of my favorite first line authors is Joshlyn Jackson.  If you don't know her or have never read any of her books, you should.  Her first lines will make you want to have her babies. *grins*

I have recently been doing a study of YA first lines and have also been working on my own.  So today, I offer two samplings.  Please let me know what you think.  I would appreciate the comments.

First Line #1:

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested at eight. Apparently having imaginary friends at that age was cause for concern. (The italics part is the next two lines)

First Line #2:


Asking a girl to prom seemed easy until I puked all over her shoes.
 
What do you think?

22 comments:

  1. The first one is good, but I think it only sounds that way because of the other lines with it. Without them, it doesn't hold as powerful a punch (in my opinion, of course!)

    The second line is hilarious. I love it! Great voice and humor and character insight...nice job!

    BTW, you got a new follower here! (and I LOVE the pic of Chace Crawford...yum!)

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  2. I like the first like, "I'm not crazy." The next line is great, too.

    Not so sure about the third line. Having imaginary friends at 8 is normal...isn't it? I dunno. My 8 year old doesn't have them, but I know some who do. I always thought imaginary friends were creepy. But then again, I don't like dolls that talk, either. :)

    Anyway, back to the first line: It works and draws the reader in. You could combine the first two lines, if you wanted give them a little more insight into character. Then again, that might take away some of the punch of the info you have now. Hmmm...

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  3. I like number two. The image catches you right away, even if it isn't . . . um, pretty.

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  4. The second first line definitely has my attention more - it's got voice, humor, and conflict. The first one I feel I've seen a variation of time and time again.

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  5. I like both. The first because of its vagueness. Even without the following sentences I would have asked, "Who says your crazy? Why do they think this?" The second first line, though, catches my attention because it's hilarious!

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  6. I'm not crazy about "I'm not crazy." Only because it's the sort of thing so many people say about so many things. But as someone else mentioned, if you combine it with the second sentence we know you're talking about actual crazy. That's a whole different thing!

    I LOVE the second first line. It is hilarious.

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  7. LOVE number two. Sets the stage for some great humor and actually made me laugh outloud.

    Christi Corbett

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  8. I like number 2, it's definitely more catching and sets the character's voice.

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  9. I love the 2nd line! Made me laugh out loud. I'd definitely go with that one over the first one.

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  10. The second one is oozing (no pun intended) with both character and conundrum. First Line #2 really gets my attention.

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  11. I definitely like the second one more, lol...I certainly want to read more.

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  12. I like them both, but #2 is my fav. I wouldn't recommend changing a thing - it's perfect.

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  13. I like the first one, but I do think expanding it slightly with more specific detail would strengthen it.

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  14. You first line might have more punch if you combine it with the second line: I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested when I was eight.

    If you want to add a bit more character voice you could always provide the reason why he was tested -- "... was eight after I set fire to the living room." -- something like that.

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  15. I like the second one- funny and engaging.

    On the first one I would have to agree with wordwrangler. Eight years old doesn't seem unusual for imaginary friends. Eighteen, on the other hand... But I suppose what kind of imaginary friends would play an important part, too. Are they monsters? Regular old playmates? It makes a difference in the "crazy" factor.

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  16. Your first line one carries punch, but only along with the sentences that follow. I loved the concept but on it's own "I'm not crazy" oddly enough feels weak.

    Your second line though was fantastic. Good character voice, good sense of story and what's going on, all without being wordy. Great job!

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  17. That second one is EPIC!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!

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  18. I like #2 as well. It stands on it's own and shows so much more character than the first.

    nice work.

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  19. I left a cupcake for you on my blog! Go eat it! :) www.margokelly.blogspot.com

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  20. I absolutely love the second one! Great humor and insight into the character. The whole first one is good too. But the second is my favorite

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  21. Thanks everyone for your imput and advice! I love the second one as well and really shows my character's voice. I think I'll keep it!

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  22. Hey I was coming by for the Just Kiss Me already blogfest, but I seemed to have missed you last week on the First Line Blogfest. Good to meet you. I write ya paranormal romance too, and im your newest follower.
    bethfred.com

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