Leo's Angel Oak Tree

Thursday, September 8, 2011

FIRST CAMPAIGN CHALLENGE

It's time for the first challenge in the Third Writer's Platform Campaign!  YAY! Here's the challenge:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)


For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!


So, here's mine.  If you like it, vote for me here.  I'm #346   ! Just click the "like" button.

The door swung open, knocking into the wall with a thwack. Owen gazed at the horrid scene before him, eventually squeezing his eyes closed to block out the image.  But even behind his eyelids, he couldn’t erase the blood splatters from his memory. 

“Oh Bethany,” he murmured.  He took a few steps forward, not wanting to get too close. Peering at the bed, he could see she at least put up a fight. Light bruising dotted her knuckles, and her fingers appeared stiff with rigor mortis. “I hope you clawed his eyes out.”

The metallic smell of blood rose to his nose and his muscles tensed.  He couldn’t stay here much longer. It was too tempting.  He felt the tip of his fangs grazing his bottom lip.
A plan began to formulate in his mind. One act of revenge. Lucas would pay for his disobedience. Bethany was strictly off limits.  He knew this and still slaughtered her for a meal. It would definitely  be his last.

Owen dialed 9-1-1 and left the receiver in the dead girl’s hand.  One final time, he pressed his lips to hers, and said goodbye to the girl he loved as the door swung shut.




25 comments:

  1. Love me some vampires! If you like the creepy kind, mine's 274. Poor Owen!!

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  2. I love the grisly details, and his reaction to them. I really felt how torn he was. Nicely done.

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  3. That's the trouble with vampires, you just can't trust them around young women.

    mood
    Moody Writing
    @mooderino

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  4. Neat! I don't usually read this type of story but this is done really well. I'm #57 on the list - mines totally different, amazing the variation on stories using 200 words

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  5. Very Vampire diaries. Nicely done. Mine is #72

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  6. There are a lot of emotions here! Anger, revenge, sadness. Great entry.

    My entry.

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  7. Hi Melissa! Oh, how I love vampire stories. This is great, and I would love to read more. (Um, is there any more?) :P

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  8. I really liked this and connected with Owen quickly, wanting to know more of his story and empathizing with him. Great job!
    Sounds like Lucas is going down! ;)

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  9. Thanks everyone!

    Lindy, Actually just wrote this for the challenge, but by the response, maybe I should keep writing!

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  10. This is really interesting. Makes me want to know who these people are. This sounds like it would be a perfect ending to part one of a story!

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  11. I love this piece. I want to know more about the MC and I'm sorry about Bethany.

    I'm a follower from the campaign. Have a great weekend.

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  12. Hi Melissa. Great flash fiction entry! I bet Owen will get very creative when he gets back at Lucas.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

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  13. Melissa, I forgot to tell you how beautiful that tree is on your heading!

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  14. What a tender goodbye. This a great piece. Thanks for following my blog. Always good to meet another YA writer. Best wishes with the querying.

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  15. Thanks, Candy! I have thing for trees.

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  16. Oooh! This was well done! Enjoyed it!

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  17. Thanks for commenting on my blog (#347) - I really enjoyed this. Feels like a nice slice of a continuing story - more please! I love your tree pic too, it's beautiful :)

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  18. Oh, this is a good scene. Reads straight out of a novel. I hope he gets Lucas!

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  19. Wow Melissa this was so good!! Your last sentence was SO powerful!!!! I'm not a fellow campaigner but these are so GOOD! I'm a new follower and I'm so glad to have gotten to read some of your work!

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  20. Wow I could really picture the whole scene like I was in the room with them. Great piece!

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  21. Nice imagery! I like the tension in this scene! Great job!

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  22. Creepy and well done. I love the revenge at the end.

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  23. Fantastic scene! So descriptive and sad. Looks like someone's in trouble. I liked the spin on vampire relationships.

    Great job, Melissa! :)

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